


something you'd be good at

by lilcrickee



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 14:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8450119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilcrickee/pseuds/lilcrickee
Summary: Philip first sees Lukas on a Thursday.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set before the first episode. Title from Tegan and Sara's _Call It Off_.
> 
> Unbeta'd. All mistakes are my own. If anything is glaringly off, let me know!

They pick him up on a Tuesday.

 

The city is roasting, a million pounds of concrete reflecting heat, beating down from the buildings and radiating up from the sidewalk. It’s unbearable.

 

Philip will miss it.

 

He sits in the back of Gabe’s truck, lets his head rest against the window while Gabe tries - and fails - to engage him in conversation. Listens as Helen asks Gabe whether or not they should pick up pizza on the way home or if she should make something.

 

“Pizza,” Gabe says immediately, laughs when Helen playfully hits him on the arm. An inside joke that maybe Philip can learn, if he sticks around for that long.

 

Tivoli is hardly a town, in Philip’s opinion. He can get almost anywhere on the bike that Helen and Gabe give him, can take the single publicly funded bus for everything else. Gabe can take him to school next week. “I know it’s nothing like the city,” Gabe says as he makes to grab Philip’s bag from the back. Philip gets to it first, the two of them locking eyes before Philip turns away, slides out of the truck, pulling the bag with him. 

 

“I think you’ll like it here,” Gabe continues. Helen hasn’t said anything to him yet, and Gabe turns to her now, as if expecting her to contribute.

 

“I used to live in the city too,” she says finally. “You’ll get used to it.”

 

 _Convincing,_ Philip thinks scathingly.

 

On the drive over, Gabe had mentioned the house, had said it was a little rundown and “nothing special”. Philip stares now at a house that’s bigger than the community centre he used to go to after school, bigger than any building Philip has ever been in that’s also been described as a “home”.

 

They give him a tour, show him the house and the grounds, and present him with a bedroom. It’s big, airy, and Philip longs for the claustrophobic setting of his room back home. He misses his things, his bed, his grimy window that faces out onto the tiny green space behind their building.

 

He misses his mom.

 

Philip knows he’s objectively lucky, that he’s been plucked from a bad situation and given a chance at something better. He looks out his window, at the field stretching out in front of him. It’s such a contrast to the little patch of wilted grass outside is New York City bedroom, and dimly, he wonders how things could ever get better here.

 

*

 

Philip doesn’t care about school.

 

He does well enough, doesn’t have grades that will get him into any respectable college, but does just enough to stay one step ahead of the guidance counselor telling him to _be better_. Philip grew up in a rough neighbourhood; he knows how to stay under the radar.

 

It’s harder here, in a town where everyone’s been going to school together since they were old enough to attend, where everyone knows everything about all their peers. Philip sticks out because he’s new, because he doesn’t interact with people. He’s not going to stick around long enough for it to matter anyway.

 

Except for how he does.

 

The days stretch into weeks, and by the second week of September, Philip feels less and less hopeful and more and more angry. He doesn’t want to be stuck in Tivoli, and he doesn’t want to be at school with people who stare at him with open curiosity, who want to know him but are too afraid to ask. He doesn’t care about any of them, and they don’t care about him.

 

*

 

Philip first sees Lukas on a Thursday.

 

He’s riding a motorbike, and when he pulls off his helmet his straw-blonde hair glows in the sunlight. Philip rolls his eyes.

 

There’s a girl standing next to where Philip is lounging against the low wall surrounding the school property, and when the boy moves towards them she says, “Hi, Lukas!” and throws herself into his arms. Philip rolls his eyes again.

 

Lukas looks at him, blue eyes taking him in carelessly, and Philip stares back, juts out his chin and raises an eyebrow. He’s satisfied when Lukas blushes and turns his attention back to the girl in his arms, mumbles a hello to her and then takes her hand and leads her into the school.

 

Philip leans against the wall until the bell rings.

 

*

 

In the third week of September, Helen and Gabe give him a pair of boots. 

 

They’re nice, sturdy, by a brand that’s popular in the city. Philip would never be able to afford a pair on his own.

 

“It gets kind of muddy out here in the fall,” Gabe explains as Philip pretends to examine the boots carefully. “Your sneakers aren’t going to cut here, bud.”

 

Philip bites the inside of his cheek, wants to say that he’s not Gabe’s _bud_ , but he knows Gabe is trying. Helen stands next to the fridge, dressed in her uniform, an object in his peripheral. 

 

“Thanks,” Philip says at last, putting them back in the box and pulling the lid back on. “They’re really nice.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Gabe says warmly. His smile is so earnest that Philip can’t help but offer up one in return. He takes the boots and goes upstairs, listens to the quiet murmur of Gabe and Helen talking. 

 

As quietly as he can, he slides the box with the boots under his bed and tries to forget that they’re there.

 

*

 

Philip tries to listen at school. He learns a lot, and none of it is about classroom work.

 

Lukas Waldenbeck is in his grade and is a BMX racer. He’s good at it too, Philip hears in his homeroom. _Have you seen his videos?_

 

Philip uses his spare period to look up Lukas’ videos. The early ones are self-filmed, the camera placed on a tree stump or sometimes a tripod, always stationary while Lukas occasionally whips past it. There are a couple GoPro videos as well, perspective shots that have good footage but are sloppily produced. 

 

 _I could do that,_ Philip thinks dimly. 

 

The idea grows.

 

*

 

It’s hard to get Lukas’ attention. 

 

Philip catches him staring, just like how catches everyone staring, but nothing ever comes of it. Sometimes Philip catches girls looking at him and they’ll come over, twirl their hair around a finger and bat their eyelashes at him. They’re objectively pretty, but Lukas isn’t interested.

 

He’s interested in Lukas though.

 

They have English together, and Philip sits in the back corner of the classroom and watches Lukas interact with the people around him. He jokes and laughs and smiles, but there’s a tightness to his shoulders, to the stiff line of his back. Like he knows he’s being watched. When the teacher walks in, Lukas shoots Philip a quick glance before turning his attention back to the front of the room.

 

Philip looks out the window instead.

 

*

 

Liking boys has never been a problem.

 

Boys have always been attracted to Philip, lured in by the soft fall of his hair and the slight pout to his lips. Philip has never had a problem getting a guy to look at him before, but Lukas is the exception.

 

It takes Philip another week to work it out. Lukas won’t talk to him at school, will hardly offer him anything other than a glance. He’s always surrounded by his friends, by his girlfriend, and Philip has no interest in meeting any of them. He needs to take it outside the classroom, take it away from their peers.

 

“Do you know, uh - Do you know Lukas Waldenbeck?” Philip asks Gabe one morning on the way to school. It’s not smooth, but Gabe looks pleased, probably by the fact that Philip is bothering to speak to him at all.

 

“Sure,” Gabe says. “He’s a local celebrity, pretty much. Seems like a nice kid. Got a bright future, by the looks of it. Why do you ask?”

 

Philip shrugs, bites the inside of his cheek. He’s never had a problem with lying to people, and Gabe shouldn’t be any different, but Philip feels a little bad anyway. “He wanted to know if I could come over after school. We have an English assignment due on Friday.”

 

If possible, Gabe seems even more delighted by this news. _He probably thinks I’m making friends,_ Philip thinks as he stares at the countless acres of farmland whipping past the window. 

 

“Sure, sure, that’s fine,” Gabe says. “Do you know how to get to his place?”

 

Philip shakes his head, and as Gabe begins to explain how to get from the school to the Waldenbeck property, he smiles for what feels like the first time in weeks.

 

*

 

Lukas opens the door, and Philip has just enough time to register wide, blue eyes and a white-knuckle grip on the doorframe, before the door is being shut in his face.

 

“Hey!” he shouts, surprised more than anything else, and bangs on the door again.

 

“Go away,” Lukas says from the other side. It’s muffled, but at least it means he’s still there.

 

Philip takes a deep breath. This, at least feels familiar: talking someone down from the other side of the door. Persuading them to let him in, that nothing bad will happen if they do. He’s hit with a sudden sense of longing, a desire to be back in the city, but he focuses on what’s in front of him now. What’s tangible and achievable and _real_.

 

“You’re Lukas, right?” Philip asks. He leans against the wall beside the door and tips his head back, looks up at the sky. Somewhere in the distance, he can hear turkeys gobbling.

 

“So?”

 

“So, I saw your biking videos,” Philip says. “I have a proposition for you.”

 

He counts the seconds. _One. Two. Three._

 

The door opens.

 

*

 

“You want to film me,” Lukas says slowly. 

 

They’re standing in the kitchen. Philip has a glass of water in his hand. Lukas is looking out the window.

 

“Look, you’re obviously really good at what you do,” Philip says, setting his glass down. The countertops are granite and expensive looking. Lukas’ back is rigid and straight. “And it’s really cool. I just thought I’d offer to give you a hand.”

 

Lukas turns a little. “You like them?” he asks carefully.

 

Philip laughs. “I like you in them,” he says, and that, at least, is the truth. “But I don’t like the videos. You need someone else to film them for you.”

 

Lukas turns around, leans back against the kitchen sink. Philip tries to ignore the way his heart rate picks up just from a glimpse of Lukas’ collarbones, from the sight of the corded muscles in his forearms. 

 

“Why you?” Lukas asks. 

 

He still looks unconvinced, so Philip plasters on a smile, ducks his head a little and looks up through his lashes. Lukas’ mouth twists a little, but his eyes look dark. Curious and - hungry.

 

“Why not?” Philip retorts, and Lukas smiles.

 

*

 

Philip has never been on a motorbike before, and it must show on his face when Lukas hands him a helmet. 

 

They’ve been talking on and off for a couple of days now, never where anyone can see them, and Lukas always leaves as soon as the threat of other people becomes imminent. It’s aggravating, and Philip had wondered if it’s worth it on the ride over that afternoon. But looking at the soft, hopeful expression on Lukas’ face now is enough to convince him that it is. It has to be.

 

“It’ll be fine,” Lukas says, pressing the helmet into Philip’s hands. “Just don’t let go, okay?”

 

Philip nods, tugs the helmet on over his head and lets Lukas adjust it properly before pulling on his own helmet. He gets on the bike and then tilts his head back at Philip, waiting.

 

Philip swings a leg over the bike, presses himself flush to Lukas’ back and loops his arms around his belly. Despite the closeness, it’s not intimate, and Philip allows himself a fleeting thought of what this could be like without the bike and the helmets, when Lukas starts the engine.

 

It’s loud, is what Philip notices first. Then come the vibrations. The bike roars to life underneath them, the entire machine quivering all over, and Philip wonders briefly if maybe it’ll just rattle itself apart when Lukas pulls his feet off the ground and hits the gas.

 

Philip lurches into his back, yells in surprise, and thinks he can feel Lukas’ laughter from where they’re pressed together. Or maybe it’s the bike. They fly across the field, and after a moment, Philip lets himself relax. Lukas clearly knows what he’s doing, handles the bike with ease, and he’s a warm and steady presence in front of Lukas. 

 

Philip has never been interested in BMX before, but as they pass the Tivoli sign on their way out of town, he thinks that maybe he could be.

 

*

 

He doesn’t miss the way that Lukas looks at him when he thinks Philip isn’t watching. The way that his eyes will flicker up and down Philip’s body, how when they’re talking Philip will catch Lukas looking at his lips. 

 

He doesn’t miss the way that Lukas stutters around him, nervous and flustered when he’s normally so cool and collected at school. The way that he bites his bottom lip when he thinks he’s said something that Philip will mock him for. How his hand hovers for just a second before he claps Philip on the shoulder, like he’s not sure if he can touch.

 

Philip isn’t dumb. He knows what it all means, but Lukas has a girlfriend and Philip refuses to be someone’s dirty little secret. 

 

That’s what he tells himself.

 

*

 

“You seem to be making some friends at school,” Gabe says. Philip thinks he should be used to these talks by now, and yet, he’s not. He’s never met someone who’s taken such an interest in his social life before and was sober enough to remember all the details for later dates.

 

“Sure,” Philip says. “One or two.” 

 

He hardly thinks that Lukas counts as a friend, and the only other person he’s talked to is a boy named Tommy in his biology class who owns a DSLR camera. Philip’s always wanted one, but it’s a far-off fantasy for him. Something he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to afford.

 

“I’m glad,” Gabe says. “I know that you didn’t think you’d be staying this long but - “

 

“Thanks,” Philip says, cutting him off. He doesn’t need the reminder of how long he’s been in Tivoli, and how long he might still stay. 

 

Gabe doesn’t try to say anything else.

 

*

 

“Hey, um, can you film today after school?” Lukas asks. They’re ducked behind the science building, in a weird alcove where no one can see them. 

 

Philip’s got his back pressed to the wall, lounging against it artfully. He bites the inside of his cheek, pretending to mull it over, watching Lukas watch him. Philip knows what he looks like, has heard people describe him as _sinful_ and _beautiful_ and _gorgeous_. He wonders what Lukas thinks of him.

 

“I guess,” he says finally. “I’ll just text Gabe and Helen, let them know I’ll be out.”

 

“Sure,” Lukas says. He’s fidgety, so Philip reaches out, closes his hand around Lukas’ elbow. Lukas shivers.

 

“It’ll be fun,” Philip says, and then: “I have always have fun with you.”

 

Lukas blushes, an instant reaction, and steps back. Philip lets his hand fall. “I’ll - I’ll see you later, Philip,” he mumbles, before hurrying off back towards the library. Philip watches him go until there’s nothing to watch anymore, then lets himself breathe.

 

*

 

Philip meets Lukas at his house. He leans his bike up against the outside the shed, and smiles when Lukas hands him a helmet.

 

“I thought I could take you out to my dad’s cabin today,” he says conversationally. He’s been getting better at that over the past week, speaking to Philip like Philip’s not going to bite him. “The weather’s been nice the past few days so the track should be dry.”

 

So far Lukas has just taken him around the property where it’s easy to spin donuts and pop wheelies, or to a local track outside of town,. He’s talked about the track by the cabin, but Philip has yet to see it. 

 

“Yeah?” he asks, leaning against the workbench in the middle of the shed. He tips his head back a little and looks at Lukas, thinks about what it would be like to kiss him. To be pinned down by him. To be made to stay.

 

Philip still looks around Tivoli and sees a small, sleepy town. He still wakes up every morning and makes himself cereal because Helen’s a terrible cook, and he still tries to avoid Gabe’s heartfelt conversations on the way to school. The boots they gave him are still under the bed, because Philip still doesn’t think he’ll be here that long, and the less attached he gets, the better it will be.

 

He looks at Lukas, takes in his lanky body and limp blonde hair and his blue eyes and thinks not getting attached may be a challenge after all.

 

“Yeah,” Lukas says, offering Philip a small, private smile before pulling on his helmet. He climbs on the bike and revs the engine. It’s still too loud and the bike is still too shaky, but Philip stares at Lukas’ back and thinks that it’ll be okay. Tivoli, with Lukas, could be okay.

 

He gets on the bike.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me occasionally at my [tumbr](http://lilcrickee.tumblr.com) or my[ hockey twitter](http://twitter.com/lilcrickee). Ask box/DMs are always open!


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